Someone wrote in [community profile] bucketlist 2012-05-05 05:19 am (UTC)

The True Meaning of Frustration (Karkat/John)

The first time that Karkat and John tried to make out, they were hiding in a corner on the asteroid. Well, hiding was probably dignifying it too much, as Karkat had grabbed John and dragged him back there, and John had just looked at Karkat with a grin that to most people would've looked just like any other grin. Karkat had watched this kid his entire life, though. To Karkat it was obvious that this was is I have no idea what you're doing but I'm going to try to be nice to you anyway! face.

That was why, when John tried to say something, Karkat just snarled at him. "SAVE it," he'd said, before pushing John against a wall and kissing him.

John went mmmph against Karkat's mouth, for a second, and at first Karkat was afraid he was going to, fuck, blow him away or something - but then he relaxed and started kissing Karkat back, which was about as much of a relief as anything had ever been, ever. It had been risky, doing this - a scene straight out of a lot of very respectable black romcoms, but humans didn't know a fucking thing about movies - and thank gog, it was going to pay off.

"Yeah," Karkat snarled, "about fucking time." He pulled them further into the hallway. "You are about to be completely fucking overwhelmed -"

"Uh," a voice piped behind them, and Karkat turned to see Vriska standing there, momentarily at a loss for words. Unfortunately for them, she tended to recover quickly. "That," she said flatly, "is the worst line ever."

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Karkat asked.

"Fussyfangs sent me to look for you, that's what! But if you wanna keep her waiting -"

"Damn it," he swore. "Okay, fine. But we're getting back to this later," he finished, turning to John, "so you'd better fucking watch your back." And with that he stomped away with all the grace of a rampaging musclebeast, and hoped he wasn't blushing. Kanaya always seemed to know when he was blushing.


The second time, they were in another hallway, one that Karkat was sure was deserted, and the two of them had gotten down to their undershirts and were just about to start this epic starcrossed hate-makeout in earnest when he'd suddenly gotten a face full of tile.

"What the fuck," he'd said, forcing himself up, with John blinking and standing flushed beside him. "What the actual fuck -"

"Karkitty?" Nepeta seemed to have noticed them for the first time then, and she was soon blushing dark olive green. "I'm so sorry! I didn't know there was anybody down here -"

"It's fine," he said, wearily. Staying mad at Nepeta was useless, anyway. It made him feel like even more of an asshole than usual. "I'm... gonna go walk around for a while. Make sure I'm not about to fucking pass out."

He guessed he could've kept going, but nothing turned off a guy more than a fucking concussion.


The third time, John had actually approached him, pulling him aside with a wink into a room and shutting the door behind them. "So what is it you wanted, Karkat?" he asked, with what Karkat sincerely hoped was the sort of stupidity designed to provoke him into batshit insane fucking levels of rage, because it was certainly working.

"Oh, I will show you," he said. "I will show your scumsucking ass how to -"

A sudden crashing sound made them both jump - Karkat managed to avoid hitting himself in the head again by a rather slim margin - as something - something large and metallic - crashed its way through the wall. It was immediately followed by a troll almost as large and as hulking as it was, who immediately tackled the robot and sent it crashing to the floor. Parts flew everywhere.

"What the fuck, Equius??" Karkat screamed.

"Forgive me," he said, a bit breathless, but as stupidly polite as ever. "One of my inventions went rogue. I did not realize there was anyone -"

"Forget it," Karkat said. "Just... forget it." He didn't even bother to open the door. He just walked out through the rubble.


The fourth time, though, really took the cake... mostly because when it had happened, Karkat had dragged John back to his private rooms.

"There," he'd said. "No interruptions. We are going to do this."

That was about the point when his husktop exploded.

(Sollux would tell him later that it was all an unfortunate accident - a virus had gotten into the system, and unfortunately one of the husktops had to be sacrificed, and Karkat's was just the only one with security shitty enough that he could access it. Karkat would just sit there, banging his fists against the wall in sheer frustration.)

This was really all starting to feel a little weird.


"...and that's when his computer exploded!" John laughed, probably more loudly than a person should laugh at his own story. "Oh, man, you should've seen his face!"

Kanaya raised an eyebrow at John's story. "So you are saying that this was all staged?"

"Yep!" John grinned wickedly, legs hanging off of the edge of the ornate table in the room that Rose and Kanaya shared. "Well, okay, not the first one - that was just an accident, you know? Vriska just happened to show up that time - but the stuff after that was my idea! And as long as I'm careful, he doesn't suspect a thing!"

"I have to say," Kanaya says in that slow, carefully pronounced way that she had, "this is certainly a novel approach to kismesissitude."

John shrugged. "Well, I'm pretty sure Karkat could beat me in a fair fight, so I have to be smart enough to find other ways to make him mad. And it looks like it's working pretty well so far!"

"It's working perfectly," Vriska interjected. "And don't act like you didn't have help coming up with this, John!"

"Oh, come on, Vriska," he moaned. "It was mostly my idea!"

"Yeah. Suuuure it was." She shook her head and rolled her eyes, but at least she was smiling. Things got a bit messier when Vriska stopped smiling. "So let's talk about tomorrow. I've got something big planned for tomorrow -"

"You always have something big planned," John joked, jumping down from the table.

"Well, I kind of have to!" Vriska shot back, as the two walked arm-in-arm back to the transportalizer.

Kanaya glanced back at Rose, who'd said little the entire time. "Are all human forms of courtship so opaque?" she asked.

Rose smiled. "You have no idea."

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